I miss sleeping so much
Guys, I have not slept through the night in I don’t know how long. On average, I think we are at 4 hours a night. And it’s always disturbed 3-4 times a night. I decided maybe it’s my bipolar disorder and I need to control that. I am tired of feeling this way. I call my doctor and she starts me on Vraylar and says to report back in a week. No big deal right? Well there are good things and bad things with this. The good news is I feel like it’s helping my depression, but the bad news is my mania is out of control even more now! And my sleeping or lack-there-of has gotten WORSE! I can’t seem to settle down enough to actually relax and forget everything. I call her this week so I’m hoping we can figure something out. I can feel myself unraveling due to lack of sleep and I really don’t think that’s how medicine for bipolar disorder should work. They say it takes a few years to find the proper medication combo for bipolar disorder because it’s not the same in everyone. Everyone has a different trigger and a different response to situations. I wish this mental illness came with a handbook at least. It’s such a draining, terrifying, sad disorder. Even lack of sleep aside, I’m tired 100% of the time. Being a stay at home puppy mom has been helping with that portion because I don’t have to fake a good day for 8 hours straight. I can pour that energy into something different. Lately it’s been making shirts and hoodies, painting, music (playing and listening).
I had another doctors appointment in December. It’s come to my attention that IUI isn’t going to be an option for us and IVF is it. My wife has a great job and all but we don’t have $15,000 laying around. A complete, devastating blow. We go home and watched the snow fall, trying to stay positive but that’s draining. Our best friend, Nathanial stayed with us during the snowpocolypse os 2019 and he and Dee worked from home. I just wanna brag for a moment about Nathanial. He’s one if the most genuine, sweet, kind hearted, selfless, most beautiful man I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And I am forever grateful for his friendship and love that he pours into our lives. He went onto their jobs benefits page and discovered that they have a program that helps you pay for IVF and it’s affordable! There’s a lot to it and I was so shocked hearing about it, I tuned out for a moment but the short version is they pay 90% and we pay 10% at maximum. So if IVF is $15,000, we are responsible for $1,500! How amazing is that?! A true blessing! We are still talking about what we want to do. Part of me wants to continue to work on me and my mental health and really truly heal from everything before I can pour my whole self into my child. But I’m not 100% sure yet. It changes daily. I know I’ll end up waiting though. Gotta save that money up in case we gotta pay for a random drug that’s not covered. The biggest excitement for me is the DECREASE of chances of having another ectopic pregnancy!!! Click here to see how that’s possible. That’s been my biggest fear is I’ll have another ectopic and go through all that again. I’m not sure my heart could handle it, to be completely honest. I will of course post about more about my decision as I finally make up my mind.