Hello friends! Thank you so much for the amount of love, support and kind words on my first blog! I really appreciate it!
This week has been a super strange week. Not only was it 60° on December 1st, but I realized that we are closing in on our would be due date. According to how far along we were and the Baby Center app, our due date was December 31, 2018. I am so overwhelmed with emotions. I’m excited because my wife and I picked out an absolutely beautiful Christmas tree, we decorated the tree and my OCD was literally THRILLED with the ornament placement and we had Christmas music blaring from our radio. And yet, while enjoying a perfect Christmas moment, I feel a heavy weight of sadness. Going through the motions is hard when you have this 2 ton weight attached to your ankle by ball and chain. My brain keeps flashing through what feels like memories; baby shower, those cute family photo shoots, even just the thought of waddling everywhere I walk! All of these things that I planned, a mere flicker. No more than a fantastic and painful day dream. Normally, the holidays are suppose to be full of joy and laughs and happy memories, but this year feels so empty and unhappy. I’m not having a pity party for myself, nor am I asking for pity or sympathy. We ALL have lost someone or experienced some form of infertility or pregnancy loss. The holidays just plain SUCK after a trauma happens. How can we make the holidays suck a little less, you might be asking? I don’t have all of the answers but I know what I can do for myself and I would like to share them with you!
Hygge (pronounced hue-guh not hoo-gah) is a Danish word used when acknowledging a feeling or moment, whether alone or with friends, at home or out, ordinary or extraordinary as cozy, charming or special. I have recently been introduced to this cozy world via Pinterest. (Psst…Pinterest is my severe passion. How do you practice hygge in today’s busy world?
1) Setting aside time for alone time. Turn the phone off, read a book, binge watch Netflix, or go to the art museum! Having alone time is so important to reset yourself. I think my favorite alone time memory is when I went to Forest Park in St. Louis and walked Art Hill with earbuds in. I believe it was the John Mayer Radio on Pandora! Anyway, I just walked around and listened to music. Took some photos on my iPhone (So original, I KNOW!) and then walked around the art museum. I lost track of time and just got lost in such a stress-free day! I felt so happy after that day!
2) I love to burn white sage and incense! Incense just calms my mind and puts me in a place of comfort and peace. My personal favorite scent is Devine Temple which you can purchase from Earthbound.
3) Harry Potter is probably one of my favorite ways to escape. It’s a completely alternate world and when I feel like I’m overwhelmed in this world, I can escape to the wizarding world.
4) Meditation/Yoga. Both are relatively new to me. Yoga seems to help release a lot of tension that I hold on to and help me learn to just let go in general. Meditation helps me breathe through the tough stuff and not have a panic attack. Learning to breathe when you’re emotionally unstable is hard but if you practice daily, you’ll be just fine!
5) Music . I listen to every type of music out there (except country…I can’t do too much of it!) This is a playlist I made for the moments I want to feel close to Samuel or just want to have a melt down to feel something . Please feel free to listen!
3 Things To Remember
I leave you guys today with 3 things to remember if you are going through a rough holiday season, especially those mamas and daddy’s out there missing their babies!
1) It’s not just about the loss of a baby, it’s the loss of a possibility of what could have been.
2) Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can!
3) There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
Understand that it’s ok to not be ok. But please don’t bottle it up! It’s better to talk about it and get it out than let it explode. I am here as a listening ear if you need it! Please reach out and just talk!
I hope you guys enjoyed reading and I hope this helps whoever is hurting!